First, he told us he’d never told his girlfriend of five years that he loved her.
(Let’s all vomit together now.) Can the withholding man really change?But these people mistakenly put the cart before the horse and hope that displaying outward affection will be the same as having the emotional intimacy to support it, without the usual work and waiting. Public affection creates the illusion of much greater intimacy and deeper involvement than ever exist on a first date — and can foreshadow potential problems around issues of personal space and autonomy later on.Here’s the bottom line: Gentle touch on a first date indicates your care, interest, and respect in the other person.Here are three possible causes of premature affection: 1. It does not take a genius to know the biggest question on a woman’s mind when out on a first date: Is he truly interested in me, or only in getting me in bed as quickly as possible? Excessive physical contact on a first date may signal a desire to rush through the “formalities” of getting to know each another and fast forward to the benefits of a settled relationship.A man who can’t keep his hands to himself removes all doubt. Generally this is a symptom of dating fatigue and loneliness — an understandable state recognizable to anyone who has been single for some time. One of the quickest ways to chase away a prospective partner is to smother them with premature expectations.Come to think of it, when he confided that he had never shared these words at lunch, he actually smiled.Psychologically, I imagine that this man treated women in this way as a defense.He feels powerful having the upper hand in his relationships and believes he will be less likely to get hurt if he doesn’t make himself vulnerable by developing strong feelings.The “needy” woman The man who spoke to us at lunch also shared another disturbing consequence of these unhealthy relationships in which a man is withholding.• He places his hand on her back to steady her as she walks on high heels up a flight of steps.Touch is inevitable, and even desirable, between people who have chosen to spend time together in close enough contact to explore their romantic compatibility.